Cioppino

I am but 1/4 Italian. If you were to chop up all of my body parts and separate them out according to their country of origin, you would have a lovely pile of my digestive system happily waving this at you. While other girls gorge on chocolate, i can not leave a piece of garlic bread uneaten. give me some kind of tomato based sauce for me to dip it in and it's game over.

My mom's body parts would all be in one pile. she was all Polish, but she cooked Italian like her married last name dictated her to. It confused me when i was younger, to be honest. what do you mean my mom is not Italian? She just made us chicken piccata for dinner! and it was so gooood! i just don't geeet it!

A part of this "no one in my family is Italian but me" tradition was that every Christmas Day, my mom would make us all a big pot of cioppino (pronounced "Shu-pee-no). Cioppino is a seafood stew, invented in San Francisco by Italian fishermen. At some point, all of my cousins either got knocked up or knocked someone else up, so they had kids to tend to on Xmas day. We moved the tradition to New Year's day because, frankly, i was a total pest and was not willing to let the tradition die. It was really the only thing i ever liked about Christmas, and if i just had to wait one more week i could.....as long as i got my yearly cioppino.

And as so many of my stories go, we now come to the "and then mom died" part. There was talk of whether or not we would continue the tradition, but none of us knew the recipe and i think it is just scary to sit down your gaggle of family members and hand them a dish that you are totally winging, when they have been eating the perfected version of it for 2o something years.

A few years ago, i decided to try and make some. Not for my whole family (skeeery!), but just for Neil and I. I looked online for recipes. And that is when i learned that I knew how to make cioppino all along....not because the recipes looked so familiar. it was the exact opposite. Some called for saffron. wrong. that is bouillabaisse. All say that the freshest fish is required (technically, that is true about all fish dishes), but then some add a green pepper. um, if you had the freshest fish ever, would you waste it on a soup? and then throw a green pepper, the most invasive flavor on the planet, in with the soup? red wine? this isn't some heavy stew. it is seafood! i even saw recipes with alaskan king crab. i don't think that is what the fishermen from san francisco used, when they had a whole bay full of dungeoness crab directly under their butts.

So i got to it. i gathered the ingredients from my memories of helping mom for all those years and i made a pretty stellar pot of cioppino. the smell....it is so specific.....it has stages, from the onions and garlic sauteeing in olive oil and butter, to when you add the spices, wine, and tomatoes. then, at the very end, you add your seafood and it all shifts and you know that you have succeeded. i totally did it.

i am sitting here, in Denver, currently breaking another Law of The Cioppino Recipes According to the Rest of The World. it is virtually impossible for me to "use the freshest fish available", but i am at stage two of the smellathon right now....wine, tomatoes, and spices have been added. the longer it cooks, the better it will taste. my stomach is growling already. i will have my yearly cioppino, people. it will be done!

So here we are, at the end of another year. there were some big changes this year and i have no idea what next year will hold. i haven't made a list of resolutions. right now, i am just thinking that my mom left me with so many things that are so ingrained that i don't even know they are there most of the time. they may not be how everyone else would have done it (why so many pets? volunteering is a waste of time. gay people aren't normal. here is a green pepper for your fish!!!), but i like how my mom did it. i really really do.

~~UPDATE~~
it has been brought to my attention that maybe i should share the darn recipe. here it is, from my memory, and not very specific at all...

equal parts olive oil and butter
1 onion
couple of ribs of celery
4 or so cloves of garlic.

chop the above veggies and saute in however much butter and olive oil you need to do that until soft, adding the garlic only long enough to smell it (less than a minute) before you add:

i jar of clam juice (i think it only comes in one size and it seems 8 ouncey)
approx. 2 cups of white wine
a 28 oz can of whole tomatoes with their juice. squish the tomatoes in your hands to break them up.
a box of chicken broth
1 tablespoon of dried basil (or twice as much fresh if you have it)
ditto on some parsley
a bay leaf
salt to taste but i, being a person who salts salad and pizza, rarely need to add salt because of the clam juice

simmer as long as you can. at least an hour or two. you want the broth to stay light and thin. resist all pasta sauce making memories where you urge your food to thicken up. you can add more broth and/or wine as you go if you need. just don't make fishy spaghetti sauce.
add whatever fish you can get your hands on, and dungeoness crab. if your fish dude won't break up the crab for you, get a new fish dude. if not possible, you'll have to bang up the crab a bit before you put it in the pot. add prawns in the shell. you can add clams, mussels, scallops, any firm white fish. i add the crab first, and then everything else according to size; biggest to smallest, as to not overcook anything.

for eating, you will need a nutcracker and those pokey things for your crab, a bowl for shells and used up napkins, and lots of garlic bread to sop up the broth. you may need a bib if you are something of a sloppy eater. i won't judge. the point is to get messy, anyways.

i apologize if the above recipe reads a bit Rachel Ray-ish. Her recipes are vague because she is annoying. mine are vague because i don't have a paid staff to follow me around and write my crap down for me. (there are about 7 million other reasons that rachel ray is annoying, but there are already enough blogs devoted to that subject. google away, fellow haters!)

enjoy the foods and if it sucks, add some saffron or something.

You Can Count On Me

A million years (or 8) ago, Molly told me that i absolutely HAD to go see a movie called "you can count on me". she even said that i, of all people, would love this movie. that is the kind of movie recommendation i listen to. she knows me way better than siskel or ebert or the current douchebaggy manifestations of "at the movies" on the Reelz channel.

i was living on lowest haight at the time. i was very single. YCCOM was only playing only at the embarcadero. i took the F train down there for a deluxe solo viewing. i was having a day....what can i say?


i watched this movie. mother effer did i watch this movie. and it ended. i walked outside, lit a cigarette and called molly. thank god she answered because i had some crying to do and crying on the phone to her made it look like maybe molly was breaking up with me, which is totally better than just looking like some basket case at the outdoor mall. so i cried and we talked. for like an hour. i hate the phone. this is a very big deal. and the funny thing is, the movie isn't particularly sad. it's way more humorous than sad. but it is just GOOD. it makes you feel and think. it hit a nerve and i saved about $200 on what could have been a trip to therapy that day.

now THAT is a movie.

i haven't felt that way since from a movie, and i watch a lot of movies. don't get me wrong, i love crappy blockbustery mind fuckers as much as the next proud american. but i also think that if actors and directors and such are going to call themselves "artists", then they best be creating some art every once in a while. not a bunch of famous dead actors sitting in a diner art. real art.

so, did i like any movies this year? of course. i already prattled on about Milk. but i have to say that, at the end of the day, i was most impressed by a robot and a man who acts like a robot. weird, because i am so squishy.

Wall-e gets an A+, in the literal sense. if grading still relies on the concept of a "C" being average and an A+ being exceptional, then Wall-e certainly deserves the grade. I am not a fan of animation. or rather, i am not impressed by it. a movie is a movie and it has a job to do that has nothing to do with the technology behind it. But still, wall-e delivers emotionally, visually, intellectually. disney's name comes beofre PIXAR but we all know the truth here. this movie is a total (pixar) love.

the other surprise emotion grabber? The Dark Knight. yeah, big blockbuster and all that. but who slipped Chris Nolan the memo that people would actually appreciate a little bit more? i saw it in the theater and i saw it at home. when we watched it at home, i was the annoying wife who kept having to pause the movie to explain why the movie was so good. if you would also like to be as annoying as i am, rent this movie.

there is a subcategory of movies that is so close to my heart. it is like "movies" stunningly beautiful stepsister...often overlooked because it is not considered "family". documentaries. i admit, i don't go to the theaters for them often, but we rent them like crazy.

Taxi to the Dark Side. see it. Just watch this movie because it is important and good.
Young at Heart. if you like to kick puppies then maybe you won't like this movie.

i am so sure there are other movies that are worth mentioning, but i suppose my whole point is that nothing has quite done what YCCOM did to me. movies are an important medium. but apparently we are only to be reminded of this every 9 years, not 8.

The First Annual Holiday Card Awards!

Happy Holidays everyone! I am enjoying this holiday season SO much that i decided to celebrate some of the warmth i received via the postal service during this joyous time of year. i even have pictures of all of the cards so you can really experience it with me.....the mail is all in for Christmas, so there would be no better time for such fun. join me, will you?

Our first award is titled "The card i received with the best landscape". There are so many different kinds of holiday cards, you know!

and the winner is......Modamas Fine Painting! Modamas Fine Painting painted our house in SF, so it was all pretty for selling. In all of the years i lived in California, my favorite apartment was right around the corner from where this pic was taken.


This leads me to our second award called "the card that made me the most homesick"
and the winner is.......

Modamas Fine Painting again! Wow! they are really starting strong!

Next is a very special award...."the card where my name was most accurately portrayed AND spelled". This is a tough one...i didn't change my name when i got married, i don't like certain nicknames, and my last name can be a doozy to spell. and the winner is?......

Modames Fine Painting Again! The got my name %100 perfectly!

And our final award. The most coveted award of all. It is the "this card is so special that it almost makes me forget about ALL of the other cards i received".

The Winner is.....
whatever. have you figured it out yet? we didn't get one single holiday card from anyone i ever met in california, including my family. not one card from a friend. none. wait.....except modama's fine painting.

maybe the day after christmas our mailbox will be overflowing with cards declaring happy holiday wishes from people that love and miss us and wish we never left California. If that is the case, those cards will be eligible for next year's awards. Hopefully there will be more categories next year.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

at this point, neil might suspect me of having a little thing goin' on with santa

seriously. it's like santa is my new BFF. i have proof:

you know what that is? it's a mother effing christmas tree. it's a beacon in our window, declaring our love for the big fat man in the red suit.

i also went to a cookie exchange with a bunch of catholic school teachers. man, can they put down some wine at 2pm on a sunday!

i did an ornament exchange, also. but this was just with some awesome ladies who can also put down quite a bit of wine. it was a dinner though, so it's not so scandalous.

i bought presents. i wrapped them. i even bought little sparkly gift tags. they will be shipped tomorrow cos they can't arrive late! it's christmas, people! get to it!

neil's sister will be coming over on x-mas day. i got a ham.

i even got a holiday tunes CD. it kind of sucks.

so my point is that i have realized my way around this christmas hell. it is for folks who eat, drink, shop, and like sparkly things. people knock valentines for being a holiday "invented by hallmark", but at least everyone's cards are on the table (ooh! pun!) for that one. christmas is supposed to be about the birth of christ. for those who believe, this should be a very large deal. but somehow it has been turned into a blow-up plastic santa lawn ornament competition for the masses. and these are the masses that believe! i declare that i will no longer see what Target calls christmas. i will make my own. and i will try to get neil to let us name our first born son "linus", as linus seems to be the only one that gets it. and he's a 5 year old cartoon character. sheesh. so on to more food, booze, and sparkles for me, i guess.......

part 2: rememer my shock at 15? try 1.....

and that was at the warmest time of the day. last time i checked, it was -9. minus 9 Fahrenheit which is 41 degrees colder than freezing. i am seriously considering converting to Celsius (just on an emotional level because i can't figure out how to reprogram our various thermometers). it's such a kick in the balls to hit zero and have nothing to show for it other than "now it is just really a lot more colder than before when it was really a lot cold and freezing already".

some of us are having a harder time adjusting than others. every time i step outside, the cold causes my throat and lungs to sieze up. it takes a bit of getting used to, is all i am saying.

and the dogs keep coming down with "snow toes". they haven't learned that this kind of cold necessitates their visits outside to be incredibly efficient. they dilly dally around and then inevitably have what i would call a "WTF" moment when their little toes are just too cold, too fast. they try to walk without the use of their feet. they don't know that this isn't possible. it's so pathetic that i can't even laugh like the heartless christmas hating biotch i am. poor pups....

merry christmas to all..... just 11 more days until the Best Day Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our perfect dogs

some dogs are just born perfect:
but not our dogs. this was taken after moose coughed up (and out) one of the treats we were using to lure them into place. he coughed. treat flew. and he gobbled it down, for the second time.


rewind. first i had to just get the dogs to sit together, facing the same direction.
done!

then for the antlers. when moose graduated his basic obedience class, he was the first in his class to be able to tolerate wearing a party hat to celebrate. it's a simple enough process. show dog hat. treat. move hat closer to dog. treat. baby steps until you finally have trained the dog to associate the annoyance of a party hat on its head with treats.
sttttaaaaayyyy.....

success!


well, we never trained moose to tolerate items on matilda's head. silly us for not thinking that one through.
note: matilda antler in moose's mouth:


and to be honest, matilda was never really taught the party hat/treat game. she just tolerates our crap because she is insanely loyal and eager to please. she was nervous...ears back and eyes looking for reassurance.


maybe moose being equally humiliated made her feel better. because in time, they both seemed to relax and ease into it:

until it all fell to crap.....again.....and i just needed to give Tillies some scritchies as thanks.
i love our dogs. this is no secret. i loved them as much as i loved them until i saw this picture:

and then i loved them more. what a lovely mess they are. i wouldn't have it any other way.

15

i need to call Molly back. She left me a message yesterday..she left THE message yesterday. it went like this: "i hate thanksgiving. i hate christmas, too. i hate a lot of things, but i don't hate you." pretty much sums it up, don't you think? well, it does for me.

i tried to be a person who likes the holidays. i went to Target and got a little something for Walter, but he didn't really enjoy it.....
don't worry, we will try again. the hat is actually made for cats. the cats don't know this yet. but if christmas is going to suck for me, it is going to suck for EVERYONE.

i am normally not much of christmas shopper, either. but i tried. i bought gifts for friends. really cool gifts, too. and then the door latch to neil's office failed and moose chewed them all up when we went to the movies. merry christmas everyone...er....Moose.

yesterday, i put up christmas lights outside. just one string of the new fancy LED lights they make. not knowing where the extension cord was, i just put up the string so Neil could easily just connect the extension cord when he got home. but i put the string up backwards, so he had to redo it all anyways.

i am just very bad at this.

the one thing that i am enjoying is the weather. it is snowing. but it is 15 degrees out. 15 degrees is an adventure, people. that crap is COLD. numbingly cold. awesomely cold. everything is prettier in the snow. but i can only enjoy it up close for very short periods of time when the big 15 is in effect.

even my car is cuter in the snow:

somehow, while my body systematically shuts down in the cold, the dogs take to it particularly well...a leisurely squirrel patrol:


moose was made for snow.



i am working on it. it's my Obi One Kenobi as far as this whole holiday season thing goes so i'd better suck it up, huh? please send scarves.